Iwona When I read the description of that event, I suddenly felt like scales fell from my eyes, and I regained my spiritual sight. I’m not speaking metaphorically. It was a tangible sensation, akin to removing contact lenses. At that moment, my whole life turned upside down, entirely different things became important to me, and I couldn’t go back to how things were before.
Have you not read the first part of Wiola’s testimony yet? I invite you to read it HERE.
– About Gloria Polo’s testimony. It’s a small booklet. I borrowed it from my math teacher. If you want, you can ask her to lend it to you too, she’ll surely agree,” one of my classmates encouraged.
„Alright, thanks!” I replied.
I attended a Catholic high school. Not because of faith, mind you. I went there partly out of ambition, as it was one of the best schools in the city. And partly out of fear, because my peers from middle school ostracized me, and I was afraid of ending up in the same class with any of them again. I knew that, whatever else, a school associated with religion wouldn’t interest them.
Following my friend’s advice, at the earliest opportunity, I indeed took advantage of the kindness of the teacher and brought home a thin booklet titled „From Illusion to Truth” with a stormy sky on the cover.
The booklet contained a transcript of Gloria Polo’s speech. The woman recounted how, after being struck by lightning, she was taken to the hospital, and in the meantime, she experienced clinical death and found herself before God’s judgment, to review her entire past life.
„Did you love your neighbors?” God asked her from the other side.
She replied quickly:
„Yes, yes! I loved them! Really, I loved them! Yes, I loved them!”
But from her interlocutor, she heard:
„No!”
A short, crystal-clear „No!”.
She didn’t murder anyone, steal, or commit any of those things that we so obviously consider evil. Yet, on the other side, her soul turned out to be quite corrupted.
I couldn’t tear myself away from this story. It sparked reflection on my own life. However, I would like to tell more specifically about a certain scene included in it.
Gloria entered into a Catholic marriage out of tradition, not out of faith. After the ceremony, she moved in with her husband into their new home. Only at her spiritual judgment did she see that at that moment, Jesus was walking sadly outside, waiting to be invited in, but she never gave Him that invitation.
When I read the description of that event, I suddenly felt like scales fell from my eyes, and I regained my spiritual sight. I’m not speaking metaphorically. It was a tangible sensation, akin to removing contact lenses. At that moment, my whole life turned upside down, entirely different things became important to me, and I couldn’t go back to how things were before. I realized that I had been living for myself all along. That I was the center of my world, because I didn’t know anything greater to lean on.
I think portraying Christ as a man sadly pacing outside the house spoke to me intellectually. Finally, the concept of God familiar to my reason and His image naturally imprinted in my soul merged into one. I received the grace of faith. I felt an overwhelming need to learn more about Christianity, and then I remembered the movie „Faustina,” whose beginning we watched long ago in elementary school during religion class. Now, I was very curious about its ending.
It turned out it was available on YouTube. Unfortunately, at that time, I had limited internet access, and the movie literally cut off every split second. But I was so eager to watch it that I sacrificed the whole night for it. Then, my friend gave me „The Diary” as a birthday present.
Sister Faustina described her convent life in it and the uplifting message of God’s mercy. She also mentioned the painting with the inscription „Jesus, I trust in You” and two rays emanating from the heart of Christ. He himself instructed her to create such an image through the hands of a chosen painter.
I’m also a painter, and I was very disappointed by the sight of the finished work. Later, some better versions were created, but the original one by Eugeniusz Kazimirowski cried out to heaven with its ugliness. I couldn’t understand how something so hideous could supposedly represent Divine Mercy. It turned out that Faustina wasn’t thrilled either. When she saw the painting, she burst into tears. She asked God:
„Who will paint You as beautiful as You are?”
In response, she heard:
„Not in the beauty of paint or brush lies the greatness of this image, but in My grace.”
In another passage of „The Diary,” Jesus stated:
„My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the cross.”
I didn’t understand. In the original version, His gaze seemed calm and focused, and in the later, most popular one, benevolent and gentle. So which gaze was He talking about? I couldn’t resolve this. However, I didn’t intend to dwell too much on this issue, especially since I reached these texts late at night. After reading them, I glanced at the ceiling and, without any real expectations, turned to God with the words:
„Maybe someday You’ll explain this to me.”
Then I closed the book and went to sleep.
The next morning, I entered the school chapel. Sometimes, prayers were held there before classes, which I started attending after my conversion. That day, the chapel turned out to be empty, so I decided to pray alone. However, to my surprise, I noticed that one painting next to the altar had been replaced by another. Up until now, there had been some portrait of St. Joseph with the Infant Jesus hanging there, and now precisely that image, which I had read about in „The Diary” the previous evening, was displayed.
„What a coincidence,” I thought. I knelt in the first pew right in front of the new canvas. And when I lifted my gaze to it, something extraordinary happened.
Someone stood before the painted image. No one was physically there, yet to the eyes of my soul, the image of a colorless, transparent face appeared. This invisible person was looking at me.
„Oh my! Someone’s standing there!” – I felt like shouting in amazement. I wanted to look around the chapel for another student whom I could ask if they also saw what I did. However, I didn’t do it because I was afraid that this incredible image would disappear when I looked away.
I felt it was the face of Christ Himself. He didn’t evoke fear in me; rather, He radiated kindness. After a moment of mutual contemplation, He showed me something.
It’s hard to describe because I saw three images simultaneously: the flat one, painted by human hand; the transparent face protruding from it; and now I saw an infinite expanse of living light.
Jesus told me that this expanse was my soul, or rather, its beginning. Then, in the light, a small grey streak of darkness appeared. Then, on that streak, another streak, and so on. He made me understand that from childhood, the same slight sin accompanied me, which I could wipe away with my repentance. However, I repeated it over and over again until eventually, the streaks merged into a large black cloud, which I couldn’t easily get rid of. It grew into my soul, imprinted on it like a seal.
Then, from the first heavy sin, two more emerged, closely related to it, making it hard to discern the boundary between one black cloud and another. Around this dark cluster, I also saw delicate grey smudges, and beyond them, pure light, untouched by evil.
I was surprised that God was pleased with me. If I were to determine the ratio of light to darkness, it would be two to one. I would feel proud of myself if I were made up of only light, or at least if it made up most of me. So, I turned out to be stricter on myself than God Himself, who looked at me kindly, rejoicing that I chose Him more often, even though I had just converted.
I was also surprised by the way He looked at my sins. He didn’t get angry with them, but He also didn’t make excuses for them. His attitude could be expressed in words: „Yes, this is bad. I won’t deny it. But you have the right to do evil and bring its consequences upon yourself because I gave you that right in the form of free will.” He respected my choice. Moreover, He accepted it so deeply that it moved me. I had never experienced such acceptance, and I think it couldn’t be expressed in human words.
In my family, I got used to the fact that when I did something others didn’t like, they looked at me with disgust. Consequently, I always felt that with each mistake, I lost all my worth in their eyes. I also never used the word „sorry” with them because it didn’t exist in our vocabulary. Besides, they didn’t demand it; they simply avoided me for a few days, and then we returned to normal, as if nothing had happened. Then, when God spoke to me, I realized that because of my upbringing, I didn’t truly believe in the concept of forgiveness. Of course, not everyone I encountered behaved like my parents. Some claimed they forgave me, even if I didn’t apologize, but subconsciously, I believed they said it out of politeness while internally judging differently. That’s why every time my behavior offended someone, I ended the relationship and cut off contact with them. It seemed to me that it was the right thing to do, that I had no other option. I didn’t realize this mechanism until God Himself showed me forgiveness. Actually, only He could convince me of forgiveness because He was the only one who never lied. Whose words simply reflected His interior. So, I only believed Him.
As I absorbed what He showed me, quotes from „The Diary” came to mind:
„Not in the beauty of paint or brush lies the greatness of this image, but in My grace.”
and:
„My gaze from this image is like My gaze from the cross.”
So, at the moment of our greatest suffering inflicted by us, Jesus saw our cruelest crimes, but also all those petty maliciousnesses, and looked at them with infinite grace? How was that possible? His level of goodness made my jaw drop; I couldn’t believe that anyone could accept another person to such an extent.
When He told me everything He wanted to tell me, His face merged into the physical image. I left the chapel and went to classes unbelievably calm, and that feeling accompanied me throughout the day.
Then I pondered for a long time what three sins weighed on my soul. According to Him, I had been committing them since early childhood, and they made my life unhappy. I also had no idea what that untouched goodness within me was. I sought answers for a long time. Until finally, years later, it dawned on me.
God didn’t reveal my sins to me because that wasn’t the essence of that vision. I focused on them, but He wanted to convey something else to me. Because who knows, maybe the key to perfection isn’t self-discipline, constantly controlling oneself to avoid this or that, but simply gazing into His eyes full of forgiveness?
END
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